Men: How To UnBlock Yourself From Love – The First Step is Awareness of Your Self Image
The Psychology of Single, Successful Men and Their Relationships With Women – What Image Consultant Michelle T. Sterling Can Help You Realize
Do you ever wonder what makes a single, successful man tick? What makes them successful and why do they seemly look attractive and appealing on the outside but when you take a deeper look inside, you see nothing but crap?
Men are just like woman in one facet when it comes to relationships – they too are wounded and carry baggage and it’s only when two people’s baggage seem to line up in a way that the other can manage the other’s baggage does the relationship work.
Over the course of my career I’ve worked with many successful men, however one recently stumped me for a moment until I did some further analysis and figured it out.
I recently worked with a gentleman on his image and behavioral communication skills in Dubai, and was surprised that the public persona that he displayed on the outside was the complete opposite of his persona on the inside.
This client hired me because he didn’t quite understand why he sabotaged his relationships with women and wanted an image expert’s opinion. To his dismay, I concluded that his failure in relationships was not so much about the outward image he projected but about the outward self-image that he subconsciously projected which results in confusing non-verbal messages to women and sabotaged relationships. You can dress a wolf in nice clothing and teach him what to say, however you can’t tame the beast in the wolf unless he decides he needs to tame it himself.
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As much as women have self-esteem issues, men do too. However women manifest it by being needy and clingy and men manifest it by pushing you away and/ or cutting you out of their life. So if you ever encounter a man and he just blocks you out of his life, know that it’s not you, it’s him and it’s not just a saying. It’s true. But please note, if he’s verbally saying it’s not you and it’s him, it’s probably just an excuse that he’s not into you. But if everything seems fine one moment and he’s gone the next without any explanation, most likely it really is him and not you. So the best thing you can do as a woman is move on.
I know, easier said than done, and that’s why there are so many break up books out there but there’s never been one written for men to help them realize that by blocking themselves from love, they are just fueling their anger, resentment, and inflicting self-punishment upon themselves which in the end only leaves them single, lonely, and disgruntled. And who wants a man like that or much less wants to have sex with someone like that?! The answer is: only a person who is another emotional disaster…a.k.a DRAMA.
Therefore I advised this client that if he felt he met a girl who fulfills his needs and desires however feels he’s unworthy of her, he needs to work on himself spiritually and heal his soul. Notice I said, not his heart but his soul.
On a soul level we are all brought into the world with certain programs, contracts, and karma that we must fulfill in this lifetime. If you don’t learn from life’s lessons and heal your soul of this baggage you will only accumulate more baggage. And when you’ve accumulated so much baggage and you’re over flowing with energy of anger, betrayal, resentment, distrust, bitterness, rejection, fear, and unforgiveness, there is no space to allow anyone in. And you might just loose a woman who could fulfill your life and you could find happiness with because you refused or ignored the need to work on yourself, and instead, just focused on work.
While work may bring you recognition, boost your ego, and fulfill your need for control and power, love – can bring you joy, happiness, and serenity – as long as you feel these sentiments within yourself first before interacting with women.
Forgive your ex wife for cheating on you. She’s not worth the negative energy and just because she deceived you does not mean that all women will do the same to you. However if you wear the wounded shingle on your shoulder that “I’ve been betrayed” and you don’t forgive, you’ll always attract more women who are just as duplicitous, untrustworthy, and amoral; and you will repel the woman who is caring, loyal, affectionate and honest. This in turn will deplete you, leaving you with no desire to be with anyone because you’re tired and don’t have the strength to deal with women anymore. We attract what we are; what we feel on the inside and we repel what we are not. So if you were to meet an absolutely amazing woman, but are not at the same vibration level as she is, the relationship will crumble and disintegrate before your eyes.
If you’re a man who has experienced trauma during his childhood, you must also forgive those who have hurt you, built resentment in you, built anger in you so much that it manifests into rage and violence. What is the opposite of rage? Love. What is the opposite of hate? Love. What is the opposite of seeking their approval? Valuing your own self worth – having your own sense of worthiness. And if you’re so blocked that you can’t feel love, start first with building your own sense of worthiness. And here’s a hint, you don’t build worthiness by focusing on your career and becoming a super successful businessman. Your worthiness comes from forgiving those who have hurt you…whether it’s your family, women you’ve loved and lost, whomever. When you forgive you can release all energy of anger, betrayal, resentment, distrust, bitterness, rejection, and fear. Releasing this negative energy will in turn enable you to be open to love and may result in even further success in your career.
Sometimes when you’re completely blocked with so much anger, abandonment, bitterness, conflict, cowardice, and cruelty, you become so self-centered that you make yourself vulnerable to self-destruction, self-limitation, and self-punishment.
Men who can’t love, have fidelity or “commitment issues”, and devote themselves to their work, most likely have self-worth, resentment, and / or anger issues, preventing them from connecting with women who could be their true love. So remember ladies, it’s not you, it’s him but don’t try to teach this man a lesson or try to change him. Only he has the power to heal and change himself, and it only comes from his desire to change that he can heal and work on his resentment and trust issues so that he can forgive and learn how to love again.
If you’d like to work on healing your soul, I recommend listening to the audio book, “You Can Heal Your Life” and “Forgiveness / Loving the Inner Child” by Louise Hay. Audio books tend to be more effective than just reading a book, as they are more like healing sessions. May you be blessed for reading this article and sent love’s healing energy.
About Michelle T. Sterling
Michelle T. Sterling is an award-winning entrepreneur and the founder of six companies including the Sterling Style Academy and Sterling Home Styling, a division of Sterling Luxury Group. As a certified interior decor and home staging professional with 15 years of experience as an image consultant and stylist, Ms. Sterling is able to impact client’s lives through the image they project from their home to their wardrobe – harnessing their inner presence and enhancing their outward projection. Ms. Sterling has been featured in many media worldwide such as: The Miami Herald, San Francisco Business Times, World Talk Female Entrepreneur Radio, FabJob.com, Monster.com, Sales and Marketing Management, Audrey Magazine, American Way Magazine, Smart Money, Washington Woman, Associated Press, Men’s Health Magazine, Women’s Health Magazine, Details Magazine, The New York Post, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Houston Chronicle, Friday Magazine – Gulf News Dubai, BBC London, Bloomberg, Business Week, Forbes, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal in the U.S. and Asia, CNN London, eHow, Real Simple Magazine, People Style Magazine, Marie Claire Magazine UK, InStyle Magazine UK, and Vogue Magazine UK. She holds Certificates of Achievement in Image Consulting, Interior Decor, Real Estate Staging, Nostradamus Astrology, and in Basic Spiritual Response Therapy (SRT).